I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
