im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
