finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
