Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
