i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
