puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My dick has a subreddit
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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