Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
