I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
