3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
