I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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