Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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