i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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