Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
