Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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