I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
