If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
