Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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