Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
