Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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