and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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