We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
