I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
