watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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