I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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