wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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