Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
