I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
