Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
A+ Viking dick
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
