I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
and she was petting her beer can
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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