Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
