his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
