Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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