this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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