a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
