i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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