Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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