Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
