he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
