He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
