next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Randomize
