I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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