I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
