hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
