apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
