Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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