I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
