Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
