I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
