Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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