It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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