Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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