im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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