the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
