You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
